Wondering where to start with 12 Days of Sexmas fun? Here are a few of our top-sellers to help you stir things up, turn on the heat, or add a few fun new ingredients to your spice rack!
There are SO Many Ways to Cook!
There is an old myth that says men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots. But being a sex therapist I have seen all people get aroused quickly, need more time to let things build, have tools to help them move the process along more quickly and others who like a slow simmer.
Look around at your kitchen and all of the ways you cook a meal, reheat something already made–there’s microwaves, crockpots, instapots, stoves, air fryers, BBQ’s–there’s so much variety! When we surrender these limiting myths broken down by gender, we open ourselves to so many possibilities!
Electric Mixers and Orgasms
Hold up a wooden spoon over a bowl, hold up an electric mixer over a bowl, hold out a plate of cookies. Can you tell how these were made? Nope. You just know they taste delicious. 0rgasms are the same way. There’s no “right” way to experience pleasure.
Over 75% of vulva owners need consistent and persistent clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. A v!brator can deliver both, but think about what it can’t deliver: Connection. Conversation. Cuddling in the afterglow. Using a toy only supports the kind of connection you are hoping to achieve. It doesn’t replace it.
Desire & Chocolate Chip Cookies
If you have ever thought “I want to WANT to have sex!” then today is for you. You are NOT broken and NOTHING is wrong with you if you don’t suddenly burn with desire every time your partner walks by. Or if you aren’t tearing each other’s clothes off like in the movies or when you were first dating. Desire styles and levels and types change and shift over time. One type of desire style is RESPONSIVE desire. And that is what many people experience in partnerships. They don’t think about “cookies” all day long and then desperately rip through a package of oreos the minute they see one. BUT, if their partner is mixing up some cookie dough, they might sneak a taste. And then they smell the freshly baked cookies and decide that having a cookie sounds REALLY good right about now. Do you see where I am going with this? Sometimes getting started, having some outside cues, and feeling desired can switch on our desire.
What’s your Favorite Spice?
While it’s fun to play around with new spices, or even spices from different cuisines, there’s a reason we ALWAYS have salt, pepper and garlic in our cupboards. There are just some spices we know will improve anything we eat.
Same thing can apply in the bedroom! Striking a balance between proven and predictable and trying new things from time to time can make our s3x life less daunting and more sustainable (as well as enjoyable!). It’s good to have certain “spices” on hand all the time. They can be your partnership’s unique things you know will add to the experience every time. These can be things you know are always pleasurable, go to toys, lubes, inside jokes, or certain times of day that typically work for both of you.
Have you tried this spice?
Waves of contactless air offering orgasmic exploration? Who knows... it might just be your new favorite sensation.
You know how good it feels to have a meal plan for the coming week, right?
Sex isn’t so different. Getting it on the calendar is only the first step, and it’s up to each of you to line up the details. Looking forward to that massage candle? Find the lighter the day before. Charge the batteries in your new toy. Add songs to your playlist, tease your partner with text messages – these are all part of what can make scheduled sex amazing. Decide who is going to initiate so that it doesn’t always fall to one partner. Make sure the same partner isn’t always on deck for clean up or set up. Sharing the load keeps sex fresh, exciting, and pleasurable.
Planning creates space for new and fun ideas that often get lost during more spontaneous sexual encounters. How can you divide and conquer to prioritize connection during this busy season?
The Right Tools Make ALL the Difference
I was making pancakes the other day when friends were in town and I was trying to flip them with a wooden spoon. My friend gave me a look and was like, “Do you want a spatula?” A wooden spoon is perfect for stirring and mixing but wasn’t so great when it came to flipping the pancakes.
The same thing happens in our sex life. I have been asked many times when it comes to lube if they can use the coconut oil, and you absolutely can, but it may not provide the barrier protection you need. And do you need a vibrator to have great sex? You don’t but it can also add to and enhance or just bring something different to the table depending on what you are needing and hoping for.
There are all sorts of tools and toys that can support you in the bedroom just like there are all sorts of tools and gadgets that can support you in the kitchen.
What's the Main Course?
One of the reasons why we all love charcuterie boards is the FREEDOM it brings to just enjoy food without some of the timing constraints of a more formal meal.
We can bring that same energy to sex. We take the pressure of a “main course” or a timeline off the table. Instead, we focus on what feels good. We relish in the pleasure. We experiment with order, combination, pace, and savor the experience as a whole. Without a goal.
Cooking is Something you Learn
Do you remember the first time you had sex? Was there some awkwardness, unfamiliarity or things that were just downright terrible? Would you say that things have gotten better with time?
That’s because sexual intimacy is a SKILL that can be learned like anything else. While it may FEEL like it comes more easily to others, the truth is we can all learn these skills over time with lots of practice.
Failing at a Recipe is Normal!
I have my tried and tested staples (tacos, lemon pasta, flank steak), but what I love is to mix things up and try something new! Mixing things up definitely takes a different level of prep. There are new ingredients to buy, new techniques to learn, and possibly different kitchen tools to use. I have learned that failing is simply part of the process of landing on dishes I love!
Create Your OWN Recipe
I’m SO excited to meet you into the “kitchen” for this 12 Days of Sexmas! Today we're talking on Instagram about all the many ingredients and flavors of sexual wellness. PLEASE remember to always take what’s helpful and leave the rest. The only thing that matters are the recipes that you’ll make THE BEST with a little time and practice.
Top sellers for couples
These 12 Days of Sexmas Favorites will having you cooking up all kinds of fun together
Vibing in the 12 Days Sexmas Spirit
Shake things up to a hot simmer (and beyond) this holiday season
12 Days of Penis Pleasure
12 Days should be fun for everyone in the bedroom
Slide into 12 Days of Sexmas
Some of my favorite lubes and glides to keep things nice and smooth